Why does asking for help make us feel weak?
Along the way, I decided that by asking for help, or admitting I can’t do it alone, that it makes me weak. I’ve come to realize that no one can do everything themselves. Wolves have packs, bees have swarms, fish have schools, and humans have families, friends and tribes.
We aren’t meant to go through life alone. Or to bare our burdens in silence. We aren’t meant to handle challenges and struggles without help. Some people have family to support and help them, others are surrounded by friends who despite no blood relation become family. Other people find a tribe of women who band together to help one another. No matter who it is in your life, you need someone – a partner, a friend, a co-worker, a stranger with things in common, or whomever you choose to have by your side.
Once you choose people to have by your side, you have to trust, depend, and lean on them. And if you can’t, then maybe reconsider who you choose to have by your side. These are the two hardest things for me – choosing the right people, and then leaning on them. I’ve been a lot better at choosing the right people to surround myself with. But then the part of reaching out and being vulnerable, is still something I struggle with. It’s hard to admit I need help, or that I’m not doing well, or that I need advice. I’m so stubborn and strong headed I feel like I have to figure it out myself. I have to solve all the problems, and do it without help because that makes me a better person – right? Well no one is perfect, not even me – shh don’t tell anyone I admitted that. I have found success with larger triumphs when I get advice, lean on other people, consider other perspectives, and work as a team.
Having a team/tribe/family/circle of people, well we are stronger in numbers. Where I’m weak, another person is strong, and where I’m stuck, another person gets an idea. Admitting that I need help doesn’t make me weak, it makes me stronger. Rather than trying to find a way to do it myself, or struggling through it alone, I ask for help. I find people to help me solve problems so that I can continue to be strong and find the best way to resolve it.
So how do you ask for help?
- First, you have to recognize you need help, or perspective, or that you’re stuck.
- Secondly, you have to be vulnerable to reach out and trust someone. Sometimes I text people because it’s easier, other times I talk to someone and struggle to get the words out. But in the end I feel better because I’m not alone.
- Third, you have to have an open perspective because they may suggest something new or different than what you’re used to. Or they may tell you things you may not like, or what to hear.
- Fourth, you have to take the advice, and evaluate everything to make the best decision for you.
- Fifth, you do something, and sometimes that means that someone helps you, or does something for you.
- Sixth, don’t forget to reflect afterwards. Celebrate the success, ask yourself why, learn from the experience, and thank the people that helped you.
So often we are so relieved to survive through the hard times, we forget to take the time and thank the people that got us there. The ones that gave good advice, who listened to our tears, gave us hugs, did favors, or kept our head above water. I know I don’t thank my friends and family enough for helping me achieve my successes. There is no way I would be where I am today without help.
xoxo, Voice of a Phoenix